Seven Silly Saviors!
by RedLady
Summary: Finally the moment you have all been waiting for! Another chapter!!! What happens when the Sorceress flies into the Rogue encampment on Sorceress International? And do you want to join the Unofficial omen club? R/R
1. The Assassin's Story

Here's a confusing story for you. One day a bunch of people join forces to save the world. But how'd they get there? Why'd they get there? And who are they? I, the Interviewer, am here to interview the seven people who save the world from the evils of Diablo, Mephisto, and Baal.  
  
Interviewer:  
Now each of you, tell us a little about yourselves. Assassin you can go first. How did you become an Assassin?  
  
  
Assassin:   
One day I just decided I wanted to be an assassin. I guess it had something to do with this katar floating down from heaven and a booming voice telling me this was my calling. But that could have been due to the hallucinogens I'd been taking . . .  
  
Barbarian:   
Yeah. I think I helped out a lot. I saved the world. I think I'm the strongest of the group. And though I may not be smart, I'm strong.  
  
Necromancer:   
They're all stupid idiots. I had foreseen this day in omens for months. I was the only one who ever paid attention to the omens. I told them about the omens! Why didn't they pay attention to the omens!  
  
Sorceress:   
I'd never realized I'd belong to such a group such as this one. I met up with them because I knew trouble was brewing in the West. Though I had just gotten out of Magic School I still felt like I was ready to take on an adventure. By the way, I did pay attention to your stupid omens Necromancer! They meant nothing!  
  
Necromancer:  
It was as plain as day those omens are . . .  
  
Paladin:  
I fight for peace. My brethren trained me to purge this land of evil and that is what I have done. Now that I have completed this ultimate quest, I will humbly retire.  
  
Druid:  
How noble of you Paladin. I myself will go back to my cave and interpret some cave wall paintings in my cave . . .  
  
Amazon:  
Looks like ya have nothin' better to do?  
  
  
  
  
Interviewer:   
Yes. Yes. That is all nice and all but tell us about your adventure. How did you all meet up with each other at the Rogue encampment?  
  
Paladin:   
Well it all started when I got an invitation in the mail . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
What invitation? It was the omens, the omens should have told you to go to the rogue encampment.  
  
Barbarian:  
Someone told me that they were starting a hero's club there so I decided to join. I'd never been a hero before.   
  
Amazon:  
I went because my sisters were being killed!   
  
Barbarian:  
You must have a lot of sisters.  
  
Amazon:  
(Sarcastically) Yeah, we are one big happy family!  
  
Assassin:  
I was the first person to get there.  
  
Druid:  
No I was.  
  
Assassin:  
No I was.  
  
Druid:  
No I was.  
  
Assassin:  
I believe I was and so does my trusty diamond socketed katar!  
  
Druid:  
Whoa there. OK you were the first. But I was right behind you, luckily. Nice butt shot too!  
  
Assassin:  
I heard that! These are genuine Assassin clothing. I got them at the Assassin store in the mall!  
  
  
Anyway this is how the story went.  
  
Amazon:  
Wait a minute! Why do you get to tell the story?  
  
Assassin:  
We all get to tell the story.  
  
Amazon:  
Fine. Tell your part first.  
  
Assassin:  
Fine.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Assassin's story.  
  
I was just walking along in this forest. (Don't ask me how I got there. I . . . uh . . . after smoking my pipe I never know where I'll find myself.) Well I was walking, and walking, and walking, and walking , oh yes and I was walking!  
  
Druid :  
Let me guess. And you were still walking.  
  
Barbarian:  
How much walking did you do?  
  
Paladin:  
Were you walking your dog?  
  
Necromancer:  
Did you see an omen!  
  
Sorceress:  
She must have liked walking. Clears the mind you know.  
  
Amazon:  
So you were walking. Did anything special happen while you were walking lady?  
  
  
Assassin:  
Yes well . . .  
  
  
  
The Assassin's story, take two  
  
All the sudden a burst of lightning filled the sky and I became an Assassin. Tyreal gave me a katar and told me to go to the Rogue encampment to complete my quests. He said it was my destiny!  
  
Druid:  
You knew Tyreal!  
  
Barbarian:  
Who's that again?  
  
Amazon:  
Ya lie Assassin!  
  
Sorceress:  
I must say, your story does seem to be a bit unrealistic. I myself realized that there was evil brewing in these parts . . .But I didn't have an angel who told me.  
  
Necromancer:  
And the omens! They all pointed to here! You must not forget the omens.  
  
Sorceress:  
Oh Yes, the omens. Oh mighty Necromancer, we must not forget the omens.  
  
Interviewer:  
Uh people! Could we just get to the point here?  
  
  
  
  
I was just having fun with this story. It's not serious you know. If you don't like it that's OK. But if I entertained you in some strange way or another then I've done something right! By the way, in case you didn't notice I got a little carried away with dem omens! The omens tell you to continue reading to the next chapter! Oh yeah they also say to review . . .  
  
Have a nice day. 


	2. The Assassin's "Second" Story

Amazon:  
Let me tell the story!   
  
Assassin:  
But I'm not finished!  
  
Amazon:  
Your stories just a bunch of hooey!  
  
Assassin:  
Well maybe I did make that thing up about Tyreal, but don't blame me, blame my pipe. I never can distinguish between reality and fakery!  
  
  
Amazon:  
Whatever. Your story stinks!  
  
Barbarian:  
Boo!  
  
Druid:  
Hey don't make fun of the Assassin . . .  
  
Assassin:  
I can stick up for myself Druid!  
  
Druid:  
. . .That's my job.  
  
Interview:  
People, people, please. Just calm down. You will each have a chance to tell your story. Assassin continue please.  
  
Amazon:  
I think you favor the Assassin over us all!   
  
Interviewer:  
What!  
  
Amazon:  
You probably like her better because of her skimpy clothes!  
  
Interviewer:  
What! I'm a woman!  
  
Sorceress:  
Guess she overlooked that fact.  
  
Amazon:  
Well yes I did. But you still could be a lesbian!  
  
Druid:  
Just let the Assassin finish her story!  
  
Amazon:  
Be quiet Druid, we all know your chasin' her skirts!  
  
Druid:  
What! Shh. It's a secret. . .  
  
Assassin:  
Have I just been insulted?  
  
Barbarian:  
I don't get it? The Assassin isn't wearing a skirt!  
  
Amazon:  
Like you are one to talk! You just wear a loincloth!  
  
Barbarian:  
Hey don't diss the loincloth! They're coming into style where I come from.  
  
Amazon:  
At least my clothes are decent!  
  
Assassin:  
And mine aren't! I already told you these are . . .  
  
Amazon:  
Yeah, yeah. Genuine Assassin clothing! Right. Just shut up, you hussy!  
  
Assassin:  
Bitch!  
  
Amazon:  
Slut!  
  
Assassin:  
I could whip your butt any day!  
  
Amazon:  
That's a laugh!  
  
Assassin:  
Bring it on!  
  
Barbarian:  
Fight! Fight! Fight!  
  
Druid:  
Cat fight!  
  
Necromancer:  
Bunch of idiots . . .  
  
  
Sorceress:  
I think the Amazon might need to be tranquilized again. She's getting out of hand.  
  
Paladin:  
I'll hold her, you get the tranquilizer.  
  
  
  
So after the Amazon and the Assassin had a little skirmish and the Amazon was tranquilized with who knows what the Assassin finally continued her story.  
  
  
  
  
The Assassin's story, take three  
  
After I walked a long way . . .  
  
Druid:   
Not this again!  
  
I discovered a katar on the ground. I stumbled upon a dying woman . . .  
  
Flashback to dying woman scene.  
  
"Dying woman! Are you OK?" I said quickly running to her side and putting her head upon my lap.  
  
"I'm afraid I am not OK. I think I'm dying." She said simply obviously in pain.  
  
"Oh no! Don't die!" I said feeling as odd sense of compassion for this woman.   
  
"I was one my way to see my daughter . . .," She said. "I'm afraid now, she will never be able to meet her true mother . . ."  
  
"Who is she! I'll tell her for you." I said shaking her praying that she won't die just yet.  
  
"She is a young girl who lives in a village not far from here. She would have been about your age I suppose." The dying woman whispered painfully. I noticed that she was turning green.   
  
  
~~~  
Sorceress:  
She had been poisoned?  
~~~  
  
  
  
Yes.   
  
"A long time ago I was a finest young lady." The woman began. "I made some very bad decisions and out of those bad decisions there came a child. Her."  
  
  
~~~  
Barbarian:  
Huh? I don't get it!  
  
Necromancer:  
You wouldn't . . .  
  
Paladin:  
I'll explain it to you later now please shut up and let the Assassin continue her story.  
~~~  
  
  
  
"I was so young then and scared so I ran away from the child. Leaving her in that villiage a long time ago . . ."  
  
"I live in that village." I said. "I was left in that village too when I was a baby! The elders said that my mother ran off to become an assassin."  
  
"Then you must take this." She said shoving a katar in my hand.  
  
"Go and find my daughter. And if you don't then keep it." She said and rolled over and die.  
  
  
~~~  
Barbarian:  
That's so sad. (Sniff)  
~~~  
  
I buried her right then and there. Some reason I had felt a connection with the dying woman. I went to the village and tried to find her daughter, but I never did. So eventually I decided to become an assassin like my mommy did and go out and kill things. That's how I got to the rogue encampment.  
  
Sorceress:  
Did it ever occur to you that maybe the dying woman WAS your mother?  
  
  
Assassin:  
Wha?  
  
Paladin:  
Yeah. That does seem pretty coincidental.  
  
Assassin:  
Your right. She must have been my mother. (Breaks down in tears) And to think I sold her katar along time ago!  
  
Amazon:  
What a dumbo!  
  
Druid:  
Leave her alone! (Pats assassin on the back. She gives him a kick.)  
  
What was that for!  
  
Assassin:  
Never touch a deranged Assassin! (She storms off.)  
  
Druid:  
I've dealt with rabid wolves and even grumpy grizzly bears. But I've never had much experience in dealing with woman!  
  
Sorceress:  
(To interviewer) They still haven't figured out that they like each other even after all we've been through.  
  
Barbarian:  
(sniff) That was a sad story . . .  
  
Assassin:  
Don't be sad. I made it up!  
  
Everyone:  
What!  
  
Necromancer:  
I knew it! The omen's told me not to believe it!  
  
Sorceress:  
What are these omens you always see Necromancer!  
  
Necromancer:  
You mean you don't see them? After all that training I put you through?  
  
Druid:  
You made that story up!  
  
Assassin:  
Yep! Cool huh?  
  
Amazon:  
No!  
  
Druid:  
And to think I trusted you!  
  
Barbarian:  
It was still sad!  
  
Assassin:  
Yeah, I was even starting to believe it myself!  
  
  
  
Now this story I can guarantee I'll continue. Even if nobody reads it. I love it! The Omens! Have you ever laughed at your own story. Well just imagine me pointing at the screen laughing my you-know-what off! The Necromancer's Omens! The Assassin's silly stories! The Dumb Barbarian! The Amazon getting tranquilized! I love it! I am a master. Ok I'm done being crazy. Goodbye. Fields of flowers to you all. Man I need to give that pipe back to the Assassin! This stuff makes you crazy!   
  
  
  
  
Goodbye. So leave. Leave a review. A nice one please. I know no matter who you are I've made some sort of entertaining impression on you. 


	3. The Druid's Story

Assassin:   
I was walking . . .  
  
Amazon:   
Not this again! (Points javelin at Assassin.)  
  
Interviewer:   
Maybe you should skip to the part where you actually got to the Rouge Encampment.  
  
Assassin:  
Oh yes. The druid was there.  
  
Druid:  
I was! Oh yeah. We didn't exactly get along then.  
  
Paladin:  
You still don't.  
  
Druid:  
Right.  
  
Assassin:  
Well anyway then the Amazon came.  
  
Amazon:  
You better believe it!  
  
Assassin:  
Then the Barbarian.  
  
Barbarian:  
Huh?  
  
Assassin:  
Then the Sorceress and the Necromancer  
  
Necromancer:  
Tell them about the omens!  
  
Sorceress:  
Shut up Necromancer  
  
Assassin:  
Who's left?  
  
Paladin:  
What about me!  
  
Assassin:  
Oh yes the Paladin was the last to arrive!  
  
Paladin:  
No I wasn't! The Necromancer was!  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens told me to be the last to arrive!  
  
Sorceress:  
As I understand you were not keeping up with your omen watching then.  
  
Necromancer:  
What! Who told you that!  
  
Sorceress:  
The omens . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
WHAT!  
  
Sorceress:  
Just kidding. You told me.  
  
Assassin:  
Can I tell the story already!  
  
Everybody:  
NO!  
  
Assassin:  
Ah, come on. I won't share my pipe with you guys then!  
  
Druid:  
Just let her tell the story.  
  
Amazon:  
You always take her side, Druid!  
  
Druid:  
She has me under some sort of spell I tell you!  
  
Necromancer:  
The Omens!  
  
Barbarian:  
I thought only the Sorceress knew spells.  
  
Assassin:  
(Clears throat) I'm telling my story now.  
  
Interviewer:  
Go ahead Assassin.  
  
Amazon:  
Lesbian!  
  
Sorceress:  
Now Amazon, be nice to our interviewer. Or else I'll have to tranquilize you again.  
  
Amazon:  
I'll be good! No prob!  
  
Sorceress:  
Tell your story Assassin. I'm curious to see what you thought of us all when we all met at the Rouge Encampment.  
  
Assassin:  
We'll I was already up to date on everything that was going one and had already killed Blood Raven by the time everybody got there . . .  
  
Druid:  
What!  
  
Barbarian:  
Are you sure? I thought for sure we all helped kill someone by that name.  
  
Paladin:  
She's lying again.  
  
Assassin:  
. . . And everybody was asking for my help because clearly I was the strongest one there . . .  
  
Amazon:  
How dare ya say that!  
  
Paladin:  
I know it is wrong to brag, but clearly I of all people am the strongest.  
  
Druid:  
Dream on Paladin!  
  
Barbarian:  
I thought everybody agreed that I was the strongest.  
  
Assassin:  
Y'all are so silly! You all said I was the strongest and begged me to join your little team so we could save the world!  
  
Amazon:  
That's it! She's going down!  
  
Sorceress:  
This time I agree with you Amazon. Assassin, this time your lies have gone too far.  
  
Druid:  
I'm not standing up for you anymore, Assassin.   
  
Paladin:  
You're going down!  
  
Interviewer:  
I just wanted the truth!  
  
Barbarian:  
FIGHT!  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens tell of great pain in your future, Assassin!  
  
  
  
  
(Everyone including the Interviewer, all jumped on the Assassin and um, punched her.)  
  
  
Interviewer:  
So we never did get to find out what the Assassin's real story was, because everybody decided to beat her up for telling lies. We all gave her seven black eyes (since that's the magic number now). She walked a little ways off smoking her pipe with not just two black eyes but seven. Believe me it's somehow possible. Then the druid who was the second person who made it to the camp started telling the story.  
  
  
  
The Druids story  
  
Druid:  
Well I was in my cave . . .  
  
Amazon:  
Ya live in a cave?  
  
Druid:  
Yes.  
  
Amazon:  
Just wanted to get that clarified.  
  
Druid:  
Well I was interpreting some wall carving left there by the ancient cave men. Well one day my pet wolves . . .  
  
Amazon:  
Ya have pet wolves?  
  
Druid:  
Well, yes!  
  
Amazon:  
Just wanted to get that clarified as well.  
  
Druid:  
Anyway my pet wolves came upon me while I was interpreting the carvings and told me some very important news!  
  
Barbarian:  
What was it!  
  
Druid:  
You'll soon find out in the flashback scene coming up next  
  
  
  
Flashback to wolf scene.  
  
  
I had been spending a total of 346 days trying to interpret all the carvings. Apparently cave man had a lot of time on their hands. I was still trying to figure out one drawing of these three spider-looking things. I had already interpreted the evil cow scene and the flaming fetish scene, but this one scene was a puzzle to me.  
  
Suddenly all 160 of my wolves ran up to me causing an earthquake. I quickly ran over to the only decoration I have in my cave and caught it before it toppled over.  
  
~~~  
Paladin:  
What was it?  
  
Druid:  
A vase.  
  
Sorceress:  
Oh was it from the Martha Sanctuary selection?  
  
Druid:  
Um. No, it was just a vase I found--carved out of rock by ancient cave man.  
  
Amazon:  
How do you know it wasn't just a rock?  
  
Druid:  
Because it clearly had a vase-like shape! Now will you let me continue with the flashback scene!  
  
Interviewer:  
Go ahead Druid.  
  
Amazon:  
Stupid interviewer!  
  
~~~  
  
Flashback to wolf scene continued.  
  
  
My wolves finally all gathered in my cave after 10 minutes of causing the earthquake and I stopped my interpreting because I could tell they had something important to say.  
  
"What is it my dear, faithful, strong and fierce Canine comrades and followers who can run faster than the wind and eat faster that a speeding bullet?  
  
Barbarian:  
What's a bullet?  
  
Paladin:  
And how do they eat?  
  
Amazon:  
Can you get to the point here?  
  
  
Druid:  
They answered me in one alarming word.  
  
  
Barbarian:  
What!  
  
  
Druid:  
They all said at once, "WOLF!"  
  
(There is a moment of silence here)  
  
Amazon:  
What does "wolf!" mean?  
  
Sorceress:  
Is there an interpretation for this?  
  
Necromancer:  
My omens do not tell me anything about this!  
  
Paladin:  
I get it! It was the wolf who cried "wolf!" Wait that doesn't make sense!  
  
Amazon:  
Druid! We don't know wolf language!   
  
Sorceress:  
Tell us what they said translated into our language.  
  
Druid:  
Oh yes. "Wolf!" means "Hello!"  
  
Barbarian:  
I don't get it!  
  
Necromancer:  
You wouldn't!  
  
Paladin:  
What did these canines say next?  
  
Druid:  
Then they said, "Wolf! Wolf!"  
  
Sorceress:  
What does that translate too?  
  
Druid:  
That translates to "Hello, Hello!"  
  
Necromancer:  
What!  
  
Barbarian:  
I still don't get it!  
  
Amazon:  
And let me guess, "Wolf, Wolf, Wolf!" Translates to "Hello, Hello, Hello!"  
  
Druid:  
No that translates to "Hello, Hello, Goodbye!"  
  
Necromancer:  
Grr!  
  
Sorceress:  
Could you just skip to the translation since none of us know . . . the wolf language. You know, you and the Assassin are a lot alike!  
  
Amazon:  
They are perfect for each other!  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens tell me there is something between you and the Assassin.  
  
Amazon:  
And it ain't just air!  
  
Barbarian:  
I don't get it!  
  
Paladin:  
Is that all you say Barbarian!  
  
Sorceress:  
It does seem odd. Now that I think about it, the Assassin and Druid are indeed the perfect couple!  
  
Druid:  
No we're not!  
  
Necromancer:  
I see little baby Druids and Assassins in the future!  
  
Amazon:  
Now that's a disturbing image!  
  
Interviewer:  
Can we just get on with the story?  
  
Amazon:  
Stupid Interviewer.  
  
Interviewer:  
I have a feeling she doesn't like me!  
  
Amazon:  
Naw! Ya just figured that out.  
  
Sorceress:  
Be nice to our interviewer Amazon. She is your ticket to fame. You don't want me to get the tranquilizer gun out do you?  
  
Amazon:  
NO! I'll be good!  
  
Druid:  
You know you remind me of my wolves!  
  
Amazon:  
Are ya calling me a dog?!  
  
Druid:  
No I . . .  
  
Paladin:  
Though dogs and wolves belong in the same species they are indeed different in genus.  
  
Amazon:  
Thanks for that useless bit of information! I still say ya were calling me a dog, Druid!  
  
Druid:  
No, I wasn't . . .  
  
Amazon:  
I'll kill you!  
  
Barbarian:  
Fight!  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens tell me to get the tranquilizer gun, Sorceress.  
  
Sorceress:  
Good idea!  
  
Interviewer:  
So after the Amazon was tranquilized a second time the Druid continued on with his story.  
  
Druid:  
I simply wanted to say that my wolves gave me a very vital bit of information. This is what they said:  
  
Wolf! Woof, woof, HOOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLL! Growl! WolF! HOWL! Bark bark! Meow! Screech! Wolf. HHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLL. Bite! GRRRR! Scream! Woof, Woof! Bark! HOWL! meow.  
  
Paladin:  
I don't quite follow.  
  
Necromancer:  
What was all that about?  
  
Barbarian:  
I didn't know wolves talked like that!  
  
Sorceress:  
(sigh) I didn't know wolves had such a varied language but could you skip to the translation already, sir?  
  
  
Druid:  
Oh yes. Sorry. This is what it translates to:  
  
"Hello O' Great Druid sir! Our acute noses have just sniffed out trouble brewing in the West. It is rumored that Diablo walks the earth again! We have smelled great evil at a small Rouge Encampment in the West. You should go there and kill the great evil known as Diablo. May your nose be as acute as ours!"  
  
Then they ran back out of the cave, causing another earthquake. After I saved my only decoration the vase, I finally realized the interpretation of the three spiders! They weren't really spiders, but three Demons! They were Diablo, Mephisto, and Baal! And that is how I found myself following behind a beautiful Assassin at the Rouge Encampment!  
  
Paladin:  
Druid and Assassin sittin' in a tree!  
  
Sorceress:  
Spooky!  
  
Barbarian:  
Are you sure wolves can talk?  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Barbarian!  
  
Paladin:  
Shut up Necromancer!  
  
Sorceress:  
Be quite Paladin!  
  
Barbarian:  
Don't talk Sorceress!  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Barbarian!  
  
Paladin:  
Shut up Necromancer!  
  
Sorceress:  
Be quite Paladin!  
  
Barbarian:  
Don't talk Sorceress!  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Barbarian!  
  
Interviewer:  
Here we go again! 


	4. The Amazon's Story

This story still lives on! Look out for the omens! And don't smoke pipes and be good or else I'll get the tranquilizer gun. : )  
  
  
  
Interviewer:  
Since the Amazon arrived after the Assassin and the Druid, we all thought it was sensible for her to go next. The Sorceress got the tranquilizer gun ready, just in case the Amazon got out of hand again.   
  
Amazon:  
Just let me tell the story Interviewer!  
  
Druid:  
As you can see the Amazon has some sort of conflict against the interviewer.  
  
Amazon:  
Shut up Druid! It is my turn to speak!  
  
Druid:  
Fine. Go ahead.  
  
Amazon:  
It all started when a Rogue came to our little island. She came to ask us for help . . .  
  
She said, "Oh distant Amazon sisters, you must help us remove this oppression that plagues our homeland. Andariel is loose upon the world and we have been driven out of our homes. Many of our sisters have been corrupted . . ."  
  
Amazon:  
I always knew our Rogue sisters were weak so as the bigger sister of the Rogues I felt it was my duty to protect them.  
  
Barbarian:  
How many sisters do you have?  
  
Amazon:  
(Sarcastically)I lost count years ago . . .  
  
Barbarian:  
Wow.  
  
Amazon:  
So the council gave me leave to go to the encampment even though I was still on probation . . .  
  
Assassin:  
You let the council boss you around?  
  
Amazon:  
Yeah! Why?  
  
Assassin:  
I just thought you were your own boss.  
  
Amazon:  
(Angrily) I am my own boss!  
  
Assassin:  
At least I don't have a council to boss me around.  
  
Druid:  
I thought you had your order to boss you around or something?  
  
Assassin:  
Oh yeah.  
  
Barbarian:  
What's an order?  
  
Paladin:  
The order gives orders . . .  
  
Amazon:  
I'm talking people . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
So talk!  
  
Amazon:  
So I came to my baby sisters camp down here . . .  
  
Sorceress:  
I'm not sure they liked being called babies . . .  
  
Amazon:  
Well they are weak! Look at our first Rogue mercenary.  
  
Paladin:  
You have to admit, she did die a lot.  
  
Amazon:  
  
Talk about babyish! Well anyway I got to the Rogue encampment and met a bunch of weaklings! I was just trudging through the wilderness killing monsters left and right when I finally came to the little rubble pile they called a camp. After beating up this guy named Gheed I finally met the leader of my baby sisters, Kashya. Talk about stuck up! I was her sister and she still didn't trust me! Akara just stood around praying to all the gods and goddesses she could think of and Charsi was so narrowminded she only knew her hammer and Javel.  
  
Barbarian:  
Charsi was nice . . .  
  
Amazon:  
And the Barbarian has a crush . . .  
  
Paladin:  
Akara and Kashya were both respectable Rogues. Why do you disrespect them?  
  
Amazon:  
I don't know. Its fun. Sisters do that you know.  
  
Assassin:  
Your annoying!  
  
Amazon:  
I can beat you up Assassin!  
  
Assassin:  
Tell that to my claw!  
  
Amazon:  
It can talk to my pointed stick!  
  
Sorceress:  
Now stop fighting you two. My magic stick could beat your weapons any day. Just continue your story Amazon.  
  
Amazon:  
Whatever. So I met these two people who were smoochin'  
  
Everyone:  
WHAT!  
  
Paladin:  
Where did that come from?  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens didn't see that one coming!  
  
  
Assassin:  
Who was smooching?  
  
Amazon:  
You were!  
  
Assassin:  
What! Who was I smooching?  
  
Amazon:  
The silly Druid! Who else?  
  
Druid:  
Good time we had too.  
  
Assassin:  
I did not in any way smooch anyone. Especially not the Druid.  
  
Druid:  
Don't be ashamed dear . . .  
  
Assassin:  
Arg! I would never . . .  
  
Druid:  
I guess our little secrets out!  
  
Paladin:  
It was never really a secret.  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens!  
  
Assassin:  
There is no secret. Nothing happened between me and the Druid.  
  
Amazon:  
Don't lie again Assassin!  
  
Necromancer:  
Admit it. The omens have foreseen it along time ago.  
  
Assassin:  
I did not have any type of relations with the Druid.  
  
  
Amazon:  
Yes ya did stupid!  
  
Assassin:  
Are you sure?  
  
Amazon:  
I saw you!  
  
Assassin:  
I must have been smoking too much of my pipe . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
Anyway who cares about their stupid relationship problems! The omens are the only important thing!  
  
Sorceress:  
You and your omens . . .  
  
Interviewer:  
You may continue your story now, Amazon.  
  
Amazon:  
I'm done Interviewer!  
  
Interviewer:  
Done? But you barely said anything.  
  
Amazon:  
All I wanted to say is that Rogues are babies and the Assassin and the Druid were smoochin' each other from the very beginning.  
  
Druid:  
Those were the days.  
  
Assassin:  
We were not!  
  
Amazon:  
Yes you were!  
  
Assassin:  
Then how come I don't remember?  
  
Paladin:  
  
Perhaps you didn't want to remember it.  
  
Assassin:  
Huh?  
  
Paladin:  
Perhaps it was such a bad experience that you forgot it subconsciously and now it is merely a repressed memory.  
  
Druid:  
Hey are you insulting my kissing abilities?  
  
Sorceress:  
Are you saying she had amnesia?  
  
Paladin:  
Something like that.  
  
Sorceress:  
Her memory loss could be due to her smoking.  
  
Necromancer:  
Wonder what's in that pipe anyway.  
  
Barbarian:  
I know! I know!  
  
Necromancer:  
You know?  
  
Barbarian:  
Once in Kurast I saw her stoop down and pluck some weeds from the ground and stuff them into her pipe and started smoking them!  
  
Necromancer:  
Weeds huh? The omens figured so.  
  
Assassin:  
Hello? People? Why are you talking about me like I'm not here?  
  
Amazon:  
Well what do ya smoke, Hooch?  
  
Assassin:  
I'm not telling you.   
  
Necromancer:  
She'd probably lie about it anyway.  
  
Interviewer:  
So Amazon, are you sure you're done telling your story?  
  
Amazon:  
Yes I'm sure! When I say I'm done, I'm done!  
  
Sorceress:  
I'm impressed Amazon. We didn't even have to tranquilize you this time.  
  
(Amazon stands proudly.)  
  
Interviewer:  
OK. Say, what your guys names anyway?  
  
Sorceress:  
I'm Sorcs.  
  
Paladin:  
I'm Pala and that's Barb (Points to Barbarian)  
  
Barbarian:  
Huh?  
  
Necromancer:  
The Omens would tell you to call me, Necro.  
  
Amazon:  
My sisters call me Am!  
  
Druid:  
I am what I am?  
  
Interviewer:  
Then that must mean that the Druid is Dru?  
  
Druid:  
What's up?  
  
Interviewer:  
Then does that mean the Assassin is . . .  
  
Druid:  
  
Who put the "ass" in Assassin?  
  
Assassin:  
That's not my name!  
  
Amazon:  
That's just what we call her.  
  
Druid:  
Compared to a donkey . . .  
  
Interviewer:  
Then what is it?  
  
Assassin:  
My name is Assassin.  
  
Druid:  
Are you sure? I thought for sure you said it was Dummy. Perhaps we should consult the omens on the true name of the Assassin.  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens say that she is known by many names including Assassin, Ass, Dummy and the likes . . .  
Assassin:  
You guys are so mean! I'm going to go smoke my pipe.  
  
Druid:  
Go right ahead . . . Ass.  
  
(Gets a boot to the head.) 


	5. The Barbarian's Story

Seven Silly Saviors tell their tales. How did they all eventually meet up in the Rogue encampment? Well, their stories may not be exactly what you expected.   
  
Interviewer:  
So far we have the Assassin and the Druid and the Amazon. Who came next? The Barbarian?  
  
Barbarian:  
Me?  
  
Amazon:  
This aught to be interesting!  
  
Interviewer:  
Go ahead Mr. Barbarian, tell your story.  
  
Barbarian:  
Huh?  
  
(There is a pause.)  
  
Druid:  
Uh, Barbarian, you can talk now.  
  
Barbarian:  
Who?  
  
Paladin:  
Tell everybody how you got to the Rogue encampment.  
  
Barbarian:  
But I walked just like everybody else.  
  
Necromancer:  
Grr. Idiot.  
  
Assassin:  
But I didn't walk. I hitched a ride from the Dark Wanderer.  
  
Amazon:  
We don't care Assassin!  
  
Sorceress:  
(To Barbarian.) Didn't you say something about a heroes club?  
  
Barbarian:  
This IS the heroes club isn't it? I even paid my dues.  
  
Paladin:  
What dues?  
  
Druid:  
Uh. Never mind about that. You don't have to tell them about that Barbarian.  
  
Barbarian:  
The Druid said I had to pay money in order to be a part of the club.  
  
(Druid tries to sneak away. Paladin grabs him.)  
  
Sorceress:  
You haven't taken advantage of the Barbarian now have you, Druid?  
  
Druid:  
Why . . . I . . . But . . . He, he . . . Yes.  
  
Paladin:  
How could you do that!  
  
Necromancer:  
Hah, hah! The omens foresaw treachery in you Druid!  
  
Amazon:  
Did anybody ever figure out that the Barbarian is stupid!  
  
Paladin:  
At least he doesn't need to be tranquilized like you!  
  
Amazon:  
Is there something going on between you and the Barbarian, Paladin?  
  
Paladin:  
(Stutters) No. I just think it is my job to protect . . . the disadvantaged.  
  
Amazon:   
Sure.  
  
Paladin:  
I protect the unprotected!  
Help the helpless!  
And defend the defenseless!  
  
(Stands nobly.)  
  
Amazon: Is that the Paladin Code of Honor?  
  
Paladin:  
No, I just made it up.  
  
Amazon:  
What a stupid load of . . .  
  
(Gets shoved by the Barbarian.)  
  
Amazon:  
Hey! What was that for?  
  
Barbarian:  
Huh? What'd I do? (Hides a smile.)  
  
Interviewer:  
I'm surprised you all survived this whole time. With all the bickering and all . . .  
  
Sorceress:  
I don't understand it either. We almost died when fighting Diablo because each one of us wanted to kill him a different way.  
  
Druid:  
I still say we should have mooned him. That would have killed him good.  
  
Assassin:  
You only said that so you could get a look at my butt!  
  
Druid:  
I already do get a good look every time I walk behind you! All I wanna know is where in the Assassin handbook does it say to show off your butt cheeks?  
  
Sorceress:  
That's enough Druid.  
  
Amazon:  
The Druid said the same thing to kill Baal.  
  
Necromancer:  
You were all too busy fighting over which monster was Baal. The omens clearly told that the Baal with the slightly off centered name tag above it's head was the true Baal.  
  
Assassin:  
It could have been any of the Four Baals.  
  
Interviewer:  
Four? I thought there were only two monsters that looked like Baal.  
  
Druid:  
She sees double. Must be a side effect of smoking a pipe.  
  
Assassin:  
The only side effect is having a good time.  
  
Amazon:  
You sure Assassin! I could have sworn that you were delusional.  
  
Assassin:  
Look a little green man!  
  
Amazon:  
?  
  
Interviewer:  
Are you ready to tell your side of the story Barbarian?  
  
Barbarian:  
What?  
  
Necromancer:  
I'll tell his story for him. It all started when he was dropped on his head as an infant!  
  
Sorceress:  
That's not very nice Necromancer.  
  
Necromancer:  
I know.  
  
Interviewer:  
(To audience.) Somehow we finally got the Barbarian to tell his story . . .  
  
Barbarian:  
One day I saw a flyer on the Barbarian Bulletin Board. It said, "Heroes Wanted at Rouge Encampment." My mom always wanted me to be a hero so I went there.  
  
Amazon:  
How'd ya know where the Rouge Encampment was?  
  
Barbarian:  
I don't know . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
You idiots! It is not called the Rouge encampment! But the Rogue encampment! Even the omens know that! And what's all that stuff about a flyer! The omens could have told you where to go. They were everywhere. In the stars, in the mountain formations, and the direction the streams where flowing and the birds . . .  
  
Druid:  
Are you sure that the BARBARIAN would be able to know an omen when he see's one . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
Even an idiot can see the omens!  
  
Sorceress:  
Or maybe only an idiot can see the omens.  
  
Necromancer:  
Hah, hah. That's a good one sorceress. (pauses for a second) Wait a minute . . .  
  
Interviewer:  
So continue on with your story Barbarian.  
  
Barbarian:  
At the Rouge . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
ROGUE!  
  
Barbarian:  
. . .encampment the Assassin and the Druid and the Amazon were there. And they were fighting.  
  
Assassin:   
We were?  
  
Amazon:  
Ya don't remember?  
  
Assassin:  
No.  
  
Amazon:  
Must be due to that stuff ya smoke. (Smiles evilly) Or maybe because of that knock on the head you got when your face met my boot!  
  
Assassin:  
What! I would never let you give me a knock on the head! Your boot would have never been within ten inches of my face!  
  
Amazon:  
You couldn't stop me.  
  
Assassin:  
(Whiney) Yes I could. I would never let you beat me up without getting in a few kicks in myself.  
  
Amazon:  
LET ME? HAH! That's a laugh! You think you could stop me! Excuse me while I go tranquilize myself!  
  
Sorceress:  
Perhaps you and the Amazon shouldn't talk to each other. Now go ahead Barbarian.  
  
Barbarian:  
What?  
  
Sorceress:  
Continue with your story.  
  
Barbarian:  
What story?  
  
Necromancer:  
Arg! Why do we put up with him!  
  
Sorceress:  
Barbarians can be useful companions even if they are . . . stupid.  
  
Druid:  
Hear that Barbarian? She just called you stupid! Are you gonna put up with that?  
  
Sorceress:  
Druid!  
  
Barbarian:  
Put up with what? What put up?  
  
Druid:  
?  
  
Amazon:  
So at the Rouge, I mean Rogue encampment when ya saw us fighting then what?  
  
Barbarian:  
I tried to break it up.  
  
Assassin:  
Now I remember! (Hits Barbarian, but hurts her hand instead.) You call knocking us out breaking up the fight? I was having fun kicking the Amazon in the shins!  
  
Amazon:  
In your dreams maybe!  
  
Sorceress:  
It was an interesting sight to see an Assassin, Amazon, and Druid knocked out in the ground when I arrived.  
  
Druid:  
But why did you have to knock me out? I wasn't fighting!  
  
Barbarian:  
No humans should fight . . .  
  
Necromancer:  
So we got a Barbarian Pacifist! How original! Why does that sound like an oxymoron?  
  
Druid:  
But I wasn't even fighting! It was all those two. They've been fighting since the beginning!  
  
Amazon:  
He must have got a little carried away and decided to punch your lights out as well as ours.  
  
Assassin:  
I had a black eye for a week!  
  
Amazon:  
You should be glad it was only for a week! I could have given you a black eye to last a month!  
  
Sorceress:  
Are you sure you took that tranquilizer on your own Amazon?  
  
Amazon:  
Um . . . heh, heh. . . yes.  
  
Paladin:  
So is that the end of your story Barbarian? You heard about us through some flyer and came here and broke up a fight between the Assassin, the Amazon, and the Druid?  
  
Druid:  
For the last time I wasn't fighting!  
  
Barbarian:  
Yes. And then the Sorceress came. She was smart.  
  
Necromancer:  
Looks like your up next dear.  
  
Sorceress:  
Oh goody.  
  
Paladin:  
Then I get to go after the Sorceress.  
  
Necromancer:  
Finally I get to tell them about the omens last. Save the best for last as I always say, or the omens always say anyway.  
  
Interviewer:  
So that's it for today folks. Perhaps the Sorceress will have more to say next time. Join us next time on this interview of the Seven Silly Saviors.  
  
Druid:  
Who said we are silly anyway?  
  
Barbarian:  
What's a Savior?  
  
Assassin:  
There were seven of us? I thought there were six?  
  
Druid:  
Don't forget to count yourself, Smart one!  
  
Interviewer:  
But for now I think I need some of that tranquilizer! Somebody get me out of here! These heroes are driving me bonkers!  
  
(Assassin and Amazon begin to fight in the background as a dust swirl forms around them with the occasional limb popping out and the occasional curse word. The Druid tries to cheat more money out of the Barbarian but the Paladin knocks him one and then the Barbarian and the Paladin arm wrestle. The Necromancer gives the very bored Sorceress a long lesson on the origins of the omens. Hey! It is all in a day's work for the Seven Silly Saviors.)  
  
Interviewer:  
Help me! 


	6. The Sorceress's Story

So you bothered me and pestered me and wouldn't leave me alone. I thought I had to be inspired  
to write another chapter to this. But I forced myself to sit down on the computer and this is the  
result. (I have started cults because of this story. By the way, does anyone want to join the omen  
club? If so, tell me in the review. It's the unofficial omen club just because... I don't' know  
why... it just is.)  
  
~  
  
Seven Silly Saviors  
  
By: RedLady  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Interviewer:  
And we are back after a long delay.   
  
Amazon:  
Because the Barbarian messed with the technical equipment.  
  
Sorceress:  
Yes that did make it hard to continue our interview. Especially after the fire and all...  
  
Necromancer:  
It was the omens! The omens bid us to worship them in a festival honored just for them before  
continuing with our stories.  
  
Druid:  
This festival occurs everyday for you, Necromancer.  
  
Interviewer:  
Anyway who's turn is it?  
  
Amazon:  
Stupid interviewer...can't even do her job right...  
  
Sorceress:  
I believe it was my turn to tell my story. And how long has it been since your last shot,  
Amazon?  
  
Amazon:  
Um, ya just gave it to me couple hours ago. Eh heh heh.  
  
Sorceress:  
Good. Anyway as you may already know, the Druid, Assassin, the Amazon, and the Barbarian  
were already there at the Rogue encampment before I came. My...uh...plane was delayed.  
  
Barbarian:  
What's a plane?  
  
Sorceress:  
Um...Sorceress International. They fly you anywhere in the world of Sanctuary for just 400 gold  
pieces...if you are a sorceress that is.  
  
Amazon:  
That makes no sense what so ever!  
  
Assassin:  
Shut up Amazon! I wouldn't make fun of the woman who holds the tranquilizer gun!  
  
Amazon:  
Why you little...  
  
(Amazon and Assassin get in a fight for the hundredth time.)  
  
Sorceress:  
(To Necromancer)Shall we get the tranquilizer?  
  
Necromancer:  
Yes, this time the omens call for a double dosage...  
  
Interviewer:  
So after the Amazon was tranquilized for like the fourth time...I think, I lost count along time  
ago... Well anyway the sorceress continued her story.  
  
Sorceress:  
It all started when I was at the library. You see we all live at the library. A sorceress's life is to  
collect the most books...Why the Grand Master Sorceress has over 10 million books. Sadly, I  
only have 5 thousand...  
  
Druid:  
That is still a lot of books!  
  
Necromancer:  
Out of all those books you never learned about the omens?!!!!  
  
Sorceress:  
I never said that Necromancer...  
  
Barbarian:  
Huh?  
  
Sorceress:  
I simply do not practice omen watching like you Necromancers.  
  
Necromancer:  
Hah! I'm the only Necromancer that does it! All the other Necromancer simply do curses and  
raise the dead. I am a special Necromancer.  
  
Druid:  
You're special all right.  
  
Necromancer:  
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!!!!!  
  
Druid:  
Um, your special....in a good way.  
  
Barbarian:  
Hah hah!  
  
Necromancer:  
Why you!!!! (Gets an angered look.) The Omens see pain in your future Druid!!!  
  
Druid:  
Uh oh. This can't be good.  
  
Sorceress:  
Because the omens never lie!  
  
Assassin:  
You better watch out Druid!   
  
Necromancer:  
This pain also involves you assassin!  
  
Assassin:  
Oh man!  
  
Sorceress:  
I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I believe I was telling my story...  
  
Necromancer:  
Go right ahead. I'll just think of something evil to get back at the Druid with.  
  
Paladin:  
I thought he was already cursed with Druid and Assassin children?  
  
Assassin:  
Hey! What are you talking about?  
  
Barbarian:  
Huh?  
  
Druid:  
I don't care about kids! I care about how the kids are made...  
  
Barbarian:  
(Yells.) How?!  
  
Paladin:  
Never mind...I'll explain it to you later. Please sorceress continue. Forgive us interviewer. We  
have a habit of getting off track.  
  
(Interviewer is huddled in corner.)  
  
Druid:  
Come on out Interviewer....We won't hurt you.  
  
Sorceress:  
So anyway, I was reading another book assigned by the book club when my crystal ball began to  
light up next to me.   
  
Assassin:  
You have a crystal ball?!!  
  
Sorceress:  
Well yes...I  
  
Paladin:  
Are you a witch then?  
  
Sorceress:  
No, I assure you I am 100% sorceress. I even got my sorceress licence and my diploma from  
sorceress school right here!  
  
Necromancer:  
The omens say it is true, now let her continue on with the story.  
  
Sorceress:  
Thank you Necromancer. Well I thought that my crystal ball was trying to remind me of my  
next book meeting...  
  
Assassin:  
This story is boring!  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Assassin. We already listened to your gobbledegook.  
  
Barbarian:  
What's goop?  
  
Druid:  
Yeah it took us two days to get through your story assassin. I bet what really happened was you  
got so drunk and somehow ended up at the rogue encampment...  
  
Sorceress:  
Anyway. But it wasn't trying to remind me of my book meeting even though it started in 30  
minutes...  
  
Assassin:  
I'm gonna go smoke...  
  
Druid:  
That should make it more interesting for you...  
  
Sorceress:  
No, what my crystal ball was really trying to tell me was that the Rogue encampment was in  
need of my sorcery...  
  
Necromancer:  
IT WAS THE OMENS! WHY DIDN'T YOU SEE THE OMENS?  
  
Paladin:  
So you jumped on your broom and flew here?  
  
Barbarian:  
I don't get it.  
  
Sorceress:  
I already told you, oh noble Paladin, I am not a witch. First I took the train and then the plane.  
  
Barbarian:  
I'm hungry.  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Barbarian.  
  
Paladin:  
Don't be mean to the Barbarian, Necromancer.  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Paladin.  
  
Druid:  
Is that all you ever say Necromancer?  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Druid!  
  
Druid:  
(Mumbles)That is all you ever do...talk about your omens and tell everybody to shut up...  
  
Necromancer:  
You better not have to go to the bathroom tonight because I'll have skeleton's posted at your  
door!  
  
Druid:  
I'll just do what I did last time...  
  
Sorceress:  
(To interviewer) Last time he dressed the Necromancer's skeleton's up in bikini's.  
  
Druid:  
Hey I got them from the Assassin's chest.  
  
Assassin:  
What! I was wondering where my bikini collection went.  
  
Necromancer:  
Oh the omens!  
  
Paladin:  
By the holy light!  
  
Barbarian:  
Huh?  
  
Sorceress:  
I don't even want to know.  
  
Druid:  
Hey, she was on the cover of Bikini Girl for two seasons...  
  
Sorceress:  
I still don't want to know.  
  
Barbarian:  
I wore a bikini once.  
  
Paladin:  
You did? I mean...you did?  
  
Necromancer:  
I think I'm gonna be sick.  
  
Sorceress:  
I really don't want to know.  
  
Assassin:  
What is wrong with you guys? Bikini's are wonderful things!  
  
Druid:   
You're telling me! Why I have a whole collection of magazines with woman in bikini's...  
  
Barbarian:  
It was purple with pink poka-dots...  
  
Paladin:  
It was? I mean...it was?  
  
Necromancer:  
Help me, oh evil omens!  
  
Interviewer:  
I hate to interrupt...But...um...  
  
Paladin:  
The interviewer is right. Sorceress, would you continue your story?  
  
Sorceress:  
Yes...I... if I could only remember where I was...  
  
Druid:  
Something about bikini's...  
  
Necromancer:  
Shut up Druid! (To sorceress)You were telling something about the crystal ball, leaving the part  
out about the omens, for some reason...  
  
Sorceress:  
Well, all I simply did was find out where the Rogue encampment was. There was Rogue  
encampment Avenue, but I figured that wasn't it because it was located in another dimension.  
  
Everybody:   
?  
  
Sorceress:  
Then there was Rogue Encampment Inn, but I figured that wasn't it either since the Rogue's  
don't leave mints under your pillow.  
  
Everybody:  
?  
  
Sorceress:  
Finally I found just simply..Rogue encampment and booked a flight over there. When I finally  
got there I was surprised to see a huge Barbarian squatting over an Assassin, Amazon, and a  
Druid--who were all knocked out.  
  
Barbarian:  
They were being bad...  
  
Druid:  
But I wasn't doing anything!  
  
Sorceress:  
I'm sure. But anyway I was even more surprised when the Barbarian punched himself and  
knocked himself out.  
  
Assassin:  
He did?  
  
Paladin:  
What?  
  
Necromancer:  
Idiot.  
  
Barbarian:  
I was being bad...  
  
Paladin:  
I don't understand.   
  
Druid:  
Join the club...  
  
Paladin:  
Why would you knock yourself out? How is that even possible?  
  
Barbarian:  
I hate fighting...  
  
Sorceress:  
Apparently...  
  
Barbarian:  
And I was bad for hitting them. My mom said never to hit a girl...  
  
Druid:  
(Voice strained.)But it was all right to hit me? Even though I wasn't doing anything bad?!!!  
  
Barbarian:  
I always have to obey my mommy.  
  
Necromancer:  
Why do we put up with him again?  
  
Paladin:  
Shut up necromancer. He's a lot stronger than you!  
  
Necromancer:  
But does he know about the omens.  
  
Interviewer:  
Oh man these interviews never goes as planned...  
  
Sorceress:  
Yes as I was saying. I simply waited for the four hero's to wake up. Soon the Paladin came  
joined by the Necromancer.  
  
Necromancer:  
When will we be able to talk about the omens!  
  
Sorceress:  
When it is your turn you can blabber on and on about the omens.  
  
Necromancer:  
Yes!  
  
Paladin:  
But next it is my story.  
  
Barbarian:  
But I wanna tell the story.  
  
Necromancer:  
You already did, you dimwit!  
  
Paladin:  
Leave him alone Necromancer.  
  
Necromancer:  
Ah, shut up and talk to the omens!  
  
Interviewer:  
(Sigh...)  
  
(The Necromancer does another lecture about the omens using graphs and a chalkboard this  
time, which nobody listens too. The sorceress reads a book. The Assassin chases after the Druid  
who stole her pipe. The Barbarian shows the Paladin his bikini which he has under his loin  
cloth. You know the drill...It is all in a days work for...The Seven Silly Saviors. Who they  
saved? I don't know...definitely not my sanity...)  
  
___________________________________________________________________________  
  
There you go my little band of reviewers. Spots on the Unofficial Omen club are now open for  
membership. Remember...look for the omens! They are everywhere. 


End file.
